I hear this quote often. But, what does it mean to train your mind to be stronger than your emotions or you will lose every time?
Well, when something hurts both emotionally and physically, we are taught to look for the thing or person outside of us that caused the pain and have that person or thing change something for us. Our innate nature is to have an emotional reaction so that someone else will respond to our pain and take our pain away. (Think of a baby crying to tell momma, “I’m hungry!”)
As we mature, what we are not often taught is that when we get hurt and have an emotional reaction, it becomes our own responsibility to respond to and heal the hurt ourselves. Yes, even if the pain is triggered by someone else, as nice as it is for that person to recognize it and apologize, it is YOUR responsibility to recognize that someone has the ability to hurt you, to identify why they have that ability, and for you to take action by responding to yourself. This is where your mind has to become stronger than your emotions.
Let me be clear, feelings and emotions are not the same thing. The hurt is the feeling. And you will emote this hurt in different ways. You may cry. You may yell. You may go to sleep. You may get drunk. You may go shopping. It could be a number of things. The key is: are you working to learn from the hurt and release it; are you working to have someone else take care of it for you; or are you working to ignore it?
The decision of how to respond/react/emote is yours. When your mind is stronger than your emotions, then you can consciously recognize, “Hey, this hurts. What is the best way for me to respond to this pain?” But when the pain, trigger or wound is in control, you may end up responding subconsciously. This is when your emotions are stronger than your mind. And you may do something you wish you could un-do.
This actually happened to me today. I was chatting something out with a friend. I didn’t realize that through her responses, she was hitting some subconscious trigger points that I was holding, and suddenly I was yelling. And since I was responding in the moment, I couldn’t un-yell. Relationships can be tough, especially when two people bring their wounds into the equation. Thankfully my friend was in a space to see what was happening, and she disengaged. Did I like it? Not exactly. But I knew that meant I needed to meditate and do some self reiki so that I could tune in to what was going on inside of me. Interestingly, I actually drafted this blog post last week but this example just happened. I didn’t know I was going to share a personal experience. “Funny” how that works (insert divine timing.)
Pain is like the check engine light on your car. It is a signal to check under your own hood.
When something hurts you, before going to anyone else with it, take some time to stop, breathe into the pain, and ask it why it’s there. You may be surprised at what you hear.
A word of caution, when experiencing INTENSE pain or darkness physically or emotionally, it may be necessary for you to find a safe person to help soothe you before you can spend time within by yourself. The key is to know who to go to so that they are in a space to be there for you, hopefully without triggering them. Also, if you pray for God to send the right person, that person will typically show up.
A way to know if you need help is by recognizing that trying to get through it alone will lead to more physical or emotional harm. One example is if you fall, you may need someone to help keep your leg stabilized as opposed to standing up and walking by yourself. Or, if you have just gone through a break up or lost a loved one, you may need a friend to hold your hand and bring you water while you cry. Or, you may want a counselor or coach or energy healer to help you if the situation feels too scary to face alone and your instinct is to pretend nothing hurts.
But the point is, ultimately you are responsible for recognizing how you feel and deciding how to respond to your feelings.
So, when do we become responsible for ourselves? That’s a great question. The best answer I have is that if you are reading this and haven’t already, it’s time. If you have children, by practicing it yourself, they will naturally learn it from you when their timing is right. And people around you will, too. It all begins and ends with you.
If you want help processing your feelings and emotions, contact me today to learn how reiki or coaching may benefit you.
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